Beyond the Influence of Reason

embeeyay-schmembeeyay

2009-10-03T07:36:00.005+05:30

Should I do my MBA in the US?

This is a question that quite a few people will be looking at right about now. This question will get really important for those who have already written the "CAT" one of the most erratic exams possible, and undergone the IIMs' strange application process and come out without the elusive admit. The first time I wrote the CAT was in my final year of Engineering. We took a train ride to Calicut as there was no center at Surathkal, and scored some kickass 'green' after successfully making the auto guy understand what it was that we were looking for.

I woke up the next day, smoked 2 blunts because the one I had made for a friend was refused by said 'friend' and took the auto ride to the center with a pen instead of a pencil, I had never seen the paper nor had I known how many sections it carried.

I scored a 97.7 percentile.

ha! and my classmates who are now working for McKinsey & Co after graduating from IIMB had studied for 2 whole years and scored somewhere in the 98 percentile range.

Anyway, I was disgusted after a few more attempts where I did poorly in the ENGLISH section *facepalm* and decided to write the GMAT where I scored 760 ;D

Now coming to the question I have asked and which is why you might have landed on my blog in the first place.

Should you do your MBA in the US paying so much money, and raking up so many loans?

NO.

Here is why:

Now you might say that I have vested interests in saying that, after all, i am here already and I would like fewer people to get here to compete for jobs. I could. But you'll just have to believe me, right?

I met a senior of mine a few days ago, he had graduated in May 2009, a bad time I agree, and he left back to India. He was generally frustrated at the way things had turned out for him. A near perfect GPA and with consulting experience and still no job. But he was lucky, he had a GA and was from a very rich family, so he could afford to go back, but I know other Indians who are working for free because they can't go back with the kinds of loans that they have. They are still struggling, a fact I see when I find then loitering around the campus in desperate need of a job.

it is very frustrating when all these companies state that they are equal opportunity employers and then state that they do not hire international students. You might think it is not that big a deal but it kinda hurts and then I suddenly realize how people subjected to racism might have felt.

There seems to be a sort of Anti-India sentiment that is brewing up within the general American populace, they won't say it out loud and in fact I have some extremely friendly and caring American classmates, but in general, they resent us coming here and 'taking' their jobs away.

The MBA is a strange degree, you learn so much in so little time that you have hardly the scope to understand what it is that you are learning. Employers recruit them not because of what they have learnt but because being selected by the schools and completing the course implies intelligence and hence employability. In this economy however, they don't want to experiment and are taking only those people who already have experience in the field that they are looking for. Which means that the MBA which is traditionally a career switching degree, has now become useless.

With the drop in jobs this time the H1B visa quota might have gone unfilled, but the cap is still way too low. The American people under Obama, who is ironically more conservative that the republicans in this issue, seem to have forgotten what it is about this country that makes it so great; its willingness to accept any one from anywhere and the opportunities it provides them to achieve their goals and benefit everyone else. But with the populist decisions that Mr. change is making, I really don't know if it will not come around and bite them in the ass somewhere later down the line. Limiting the flow of talent from other countries to your's is not a good thing. Do they not know this?

I have a lot more to say, but I do not have the time. So unless you have a huge scholarship or a GA do not come to the US, or else you will be left second guessing yourself everyday, like I do. And for that apply early. The guys who have GAs in my class have fewer years experience, and lesser grades and scores in the GMAT than I do, the reason they were selected was because they applied in the first round and I in the third. Do not delay.

If you come from a poor family, write the CAT again and again until you get the seat. I will be getting back to India with an EMI of about 70k per month, how do I plan on repaying this? I have no clue and it scares me.

Now, don't get me wrong again, I like this country a lot, but I feel that they are losing their way and I don't want that to happen.

The sign, for foreigner, on the door to america

VLOG#1

2009-09-19T21:37:00.002+05:30

Hey guys, here is my forst vlog. I hate that word. The video sucks. An MBA is a useless degree. Have fun.

JD

2009-09-08T07:59:00.002+05:30

you guys know John Denver... Yeah yeah, country roads and all that patriotic humbug. The first time I heard that song was in school in Saudi Arabia. And I would try to imagine what West Virginia looks like because here was a man obviously awestruck by his state [which was located so far away it could as well be on a different planet] This was weird because from my experience, my state be it either Karnataka or AP was quite pale in comparison. We had no awesomely named mountains or rivers with catchy names.

Speaking of rivers; If you go further down the lyrics, you get to a point where he speaks about the 'Shenandoah River' remember???

Well... I swam in it yesterday.

life is strange isn't it?

I like choppers

2009-09-04T20:20:00.002+05:30

So I hear Y S Rajashekhar Reddy is dead. Died in a mangled mess of burnt flesh and disfigured body parts. Good riddance to bad rubbish, cause we all know that every time a politician dies, the world becomes a better place. I can't understand why the state should go into mourning for 7 days? Fuck YSR and fuck every self appointed 'public servant' there is. I hear that the entertainment channels on TV have been banned for a week. This is fascist nonsense, who is the government to tell me what I can do and what I cant do? Here's to hoping that this trend continues and a few more of these leeches get wiped out by providence.

not goodbye.

2009-08-29T05:18:00.002+05:30

Hmmm...

I guess that time has come to face the truth, I will probably be too busy in at least the first semester to write any interesting blog posts, because they take time and time is at a premium these days.

I do however promise to get back as soon as I find free time. This should happen in about 3 months time. Until then... take care, and "I'll be back" *in a thick Austrian accent*

Esque toi avec moi?

2009-08-17T04:21:00.006+05:30

This post is dedicated to Ashwinxn who poured a metaphorical bucket of cold water on me.

What I thought I would look like as soon as I got out of the airport.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had absolutely no culture shock when I got here. Absolutely no part of the society here surprises me. In fact the only thing that is strange here is that the sun sets at about 9pm screwing up my internal clock, the sun sets and a few hours later I feel like the day is young and bam! the clock says that the time is 11PM.

what I actually looked like. The change in my complexion, observed here, was due to the searing DC sun.

I am supposed to finish these two online courses that count toward my grades and I am the only guy in the class who hasn't started either of them[Oh wait, apparently a chick from Taiwan has not started either but come on... Taiwan?]. I live in a community filled with Indians, and believe me it is not fun. I find that the they are the least friendly people here. I don't mean to dis Indians but seriously, they have no social presence and hence are quite unpopular. I don't blame the Americans.

I lost my passport, degree scrolls, admit letters, I20 the minute I landed at IAD Dulles. But I got it back the next day. Man, the first day was crazy! running around the airport searching for the documents. The next day I saw MD, VA, DC and PA. Phew, tiring.

You would have noticed that this post is quite plain vanilla in its styling, but this is because I don't really have time to write more interesting stuff. I do promise that I will not entirely stop writing. I might write 1-2 articles per month at the least.

I feel lost without my guitars and plan on buying a cheap acoustic soon. A classmate of mine has an Ovation, and I plan on checking it out soon. And man, there are no single women in the US. The good thing is that I can use pandora here, especially valuable since last.fm just flushed itself into a toilet.

Anyway, I shall write a good post as soon as I can.

V

you-essay

2009-08-09T05:42:00.000+05:30

Well, I am here. More to come later.

Mars is non-vegetarian???

2009-07-31T04:09:00.002+05:30

Send your name to mars...
well, on a microchip at least.
Or not. Like for instance if you are NOT a geek, sadly I am one, so I have already sent mine, yay!!!. here.

And my god, Canada, freaking canada with its mounties and the baldwins has just overtaken India in the number of names sent, wtf??? lrn2win India!

ay-low

2009-07-29T02:54:00.000+05:30

Hello everyone.

I am dealing with complex emotions right now, and I am finding it tough to write. I will complete my 'report' of my trip to Delhi soon. I am sorry to keep you waiting. And when I say 'everyone', I mean Ritesh, and the two other people who read my blog [if you include me as I indulge in a narcissistic gloating of my own writing]

Until then...

Visa part 2

2009-07-19T15:34:00.003+05:30

So, where was I? Ah yes, I believe I was trying to show you how hard it is being me. Continuing from where I left off; So I am in the aircraft and I can see that this is not going to be the normal kind of flight, the people in this flight are mostly first time fliers or something, because every aspect of the plane seems to be fascinating them. Ever seen 60 year old grandmas with stained and or missing front teeth, going gaga-googoo over the scenery outside the window? all while standing in their aisle seats during takeoff? it is not a pretty sight folks. And for some reason, they all have shaved heads. Paranoia kicks in, what if these are the adherents of some obscure sex cult... what if they decide to release Sarin in the flight? or have an orgy, holy sweet mother of god, I think I would prefer that the plane just crash on its own.

I am sure there is no way they could have detected this sort of a plan, not in a country like India at least. And what do you know... the air hostess who was rude to me, is now struggling to make them remain seated. I am sitting in the last row, which according to my crazy crash phobic mind is the safest row in the aircraft. As soon as the pilot switches off the seat belt sign, fourteen, yeah you heard it right 14 of these middle aged, men and women, none of whom, save one, knows English, come to the back of the plane and make a line to use the loo. Now either their body functions are in sync, or they all couldn't wait to see what happens when you piss in an aircraft, does it fall down, hurtling through space striking random unfortunate old ladies [yeah, yeah, you must all have seen it, that image of a lady impaled by a yellow 'stick' purportedly frozen urine from an aircraft] just like our good old railways does it. Their motto: "Out of sight; Out of mind." Probably.

One gentleman looking especially lost, calls the air hostess. And then proceeds to ask her when the plane would land at Santa Cruz. And of the 40 or so people who heard it, I was the only one who burst out laughing. What is this? do we Indians lack a sense of humor? How the hell does one board the wrong plane? She then dutifully explains that the plane is in fact going to Delhi and not Bombay.

2 and a half Hours and many circles of Delhi later, our plane gets clearance to land on the new runway that opened recently, it is one of the longest in Asia, but do we have any cause for cheers? No! because it takes the plane another 15 minutes to reach the terminal from there. Now imagine this. The plane is taxiing, and its a bumpy ride, there are turns that need to be executed, and my awesome co-passengers are celebrating their return to hallowed Terra-firma by disregarding all safety procedures, one is trying to open the overhead compartment, endangering the heads of the passengers below, he gets a firm scolding and retreats amidst our laughter, all of them are calling up their homes to inform them that the plane has landed. Another line is forming for the the last chance at going to the 'plane toilet.'

Boy am I glad to be back on ground, ah, Delhi is a relaxing 35 DEGREES CELSIUS!!! in the middle of the monsoon. They open the aircraft door and hot air starts rushing in, trying to impress its dominance upon us mere mortals. What the hell am I doing here? I haven't been to Delhi in 14 years and I feel like I am a foreigner the minute I step out of the airport. To be continued...

Visa Part 1

2009-07-12T19:18:00.006+05:30

I was about to write a shortened version, knowing that no one would read an article 4 pages long, but I was convinced by a reader to do so anyway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So the date is 9th July, the day after my birthday, and as usual, I have had a little too much to drink the previous night; as I needed to wake up early for my flight to New Delhi. I wake up with a hangover, and I haven't packed. The pessimism that is a constant companion of mine is killing my spirits. It is like that little stray dog that you fed a little bread out of pity and now it keeps following you around wherever you go. Thoughts such as: What if I don't get the freaking Visa? Would it not be an utter waste of time and money? And then there is the probability that my plane will crash. What if my original documents get stolen? What if terrorists attack the consulate just when I enter? and so on...

That I am now afraid to fly is funny because I have been flying since I was five. That first time, I traveled alone. And I must have traveled on not less than a few hundred flights till now, and at this age; I develop a fear of flying? Too much time spent on wikipedia is the cause for this nuisance. I basically know every possible way by which a plane can plummet to a fiery, meat ginding doom.

You know what would be even worse? me getting the Visa and THEN my return flight crashing, now that would be unfortunate, no?
Anyway, I have to fly to Delhi for the freaking interview. DELHI!!!? It's like flying to another country man, different people, different geography, even the air smells a bit different there! This is what I keep telling the people that I meet. I disguise it as a joke, but in my mind, I really believe so.

I haven't pressed my cloths and I forget to take my toothbrush and my belt. I try pressing my shirt with the iron at home. But my sister has burnt something on it, and now the plastic-y substance is melting off and staining my shirt, my sister! she can spoil a diamond and render it worthless. Yep, it's a talent, alright. Okay, no time, got to go. I will have to find some dhobi in Delhi. I buy a pack of 20 Classic Milds on the way, and finish all but four by the time I am ready to board my flight. Hyderabad airport, luckily, has a smoking lounge. Here they have an ad in cyrillic, strangely. Why? I do not know.

I get onto my flight SG-234 which has arrived from Coimbatore, and there is a man sitting in my seat. I hate it when this happens and I am hoping that they haven't issued the same seat to the both of us. I need the window seat you see, being able to see the flaps, the engine, the ailerons, etc., alleviates my fear a little, and although it usually means that going to the loo is a cumbersome task, I don't mind the trouble. I ask him what his seat number is? Hurray! it is not the same as mine, he is on the wrong seat, the fool doesn't know how to understand the simple graphic that is drawn on the overhead compartment which helps you locate your seat number. You know what I am talking about, that little pictogram of three seats with numbers and a small window that allows you to know which is the aisle seat and which is the window seat. I use my index finger to point to the picture and the guy sitting in the middle swiftly agrees with me, and tells the guy to shift.

He refuses to budge, he doesn't understand English and this is obvious to me only now. I pretend to not know Hindi, it has helped me many times before and it works, he moves away, most probably not wanting to do anything with this weird bloody-Indian who doesn't know Hindi. I mean, seriously, what kind of an Indian does not know Hindi, right?

Now that he is gone, I open the overhead cabin to put my only piece of luggage in it, and it is full, it is the second last compartment, and the one NEXT to the compartment where they store the medical supplies and extra life vests. I tell the pretty Air-hostess that there is no space in there. She rudely answers saying that that is where the first aid kit is and that I cant keep any thing there. I want to ask her if that is why there is a huge sticker that says "First Aid Kit" in large Helvetica staring me in the face. But then I realize that I don't care enough to try and tell her. So I sit. And start praying to a god that I don't believe in. The ancient Aztec god of Air Disasters: Ahyahuancnuatl, I promise him that I will stop fapping if I reach safely, a promise soon broken. Okay, so I lie, there is no such Aztec god, but hey, if they can invent them out of smoke and water, so can I! The plane starts its takeoff, well the worst of my 'human' problems are over I think. Naively.

The Aztec god Ahyahuancnuatl, or his brother-in-law, I am not sure. And yep, I see his problem, his wing's fallen off!

My Spicejet flight uses a Boeing 737-900, not my favorite aircraft, I prefer the rival Airbus A-320. And to make things worse, my pilot is not very good. He uses the airbrake excessively and doesn't even land it well. And all the time I am thinking that its just about to go down any moment now. To be continued...

mucho much?

2009-07-10T12:13:00.003+05:30

Hello iconoclastic denizens of the blogosphere, you children of the wind, left to your own devices by the vicissitudes of fate, you lucky pigs you, you; who have the time to read this drivel that spews forth from mine[sic]unholy keyboard, congrats! You have my seal of approval ;P

I must admit, I have been treating you guys very lightly, and as someone who believes that he writes for his readers, I have, undoubtedly, disrespected you. But nay say I not anymore, I promise to keep you ~~guys~~ updated from now onwards as all my worries are over, for the time being, at least.

The first order of business will be an article explaining this unnatural exuberance that I am unable to contain from spilling into this post. The truth is that I got my visa approved, and it was a breeze. The details of my encounter with the Visa Officer and my travails through Delhi will be duly elaborated upon in the post that I shall write as soon as I get back home to Hyderabad as you see I am currently at some internet place in Delhi, and the mood just is not right for writing my article.

To Hyderabad Ahoy!!!

cop out

2009-06-30T21:26:00.001+05:30

written circa 2003

bye bye, MJ

2009-06-26T03:35:00.006+05:30

Unconfirmed reports say that Michael Jackson MAY be dead.

I saw it first on /b/ and my first reaction, seeing as it was /b/, was; 'yep, it's shooped'

But, now I see the news story on CNN. I never liked him but the fucker is\was talented.

here is a story that says that he is dead!

update:: ~~Now they say that he is in a coma.~~

Nope, now they say that he has died.

WTF!! America? lrn2news.

Hola

2009-06-05T17:24:00.002+05:30

Hmmm...

It seems India bashing is not so popular. Who would have thought that the readers of a blog such as mine can also be patriotic :P

I am not able to write blog posts in my usual style because I am very frustrated right now. My PAN card has been under processing - not updated status since April even though I have sent them copies of all the required documents not once not twice but 5 times.

My DL which needs an address change is stuck up because the people at the RTO forgot to mention to me that they need a new snap, also, they are unable to 'print' the new card apparently.

So my Passport, my third one, is not being renewed as I don't have three ID proofs, and also since they are unable to schedule an appointment online due to some system errors.

My I20 is stuck in mumbai, UPS claims 'civil unrest' on its tracking page wtf?

This is the primary reason that has prompted me to write against the system in our country. Hence the India bashing, but the lack of enthusiasm on the new posts means that I have decided to shelf the remaining posts I had written and kept.

So, as you can see, it's not really a great time for me. Anyway, I do promise to start as soon as my problems get over, if.

Incredibly absurd India. Part 1.

2009-06-03T19:36:00.005+05:30

India.

My Great Country!

~~4000~~ ~~3000~~ ~~7000~~ heck I don't know lets just say 6000 years old!

'invented' the zero

Future Economic power

Largest Democracy

Friendly People

Let me show you a glimpse of my glorious India, the 'bulund bharat' the land of peace and prosperity. The one that people like Max Mueller and Francois Gautier fell in love with. The land of non-violence, where kids respect their elders and women are treated like gods, where the gods are merciful and the water; clear. Let us see what people have done to it.

Now, it will be impossible to have a comprehensive list of all the things that I want to talk about so I will focus on the ones that come to mind and will add the rest as they arrive. I don't get paid to write this, but I want you to read it. I want it to enter the collective conscious.

1) Athiti devo Bhava

Which is in sanskrit, that almost meta-physical language, the devbhash: the language of the gods, an almost purely synthetic language with an astonishingly modern structure to its grammar, it translates to this: "The Guest is equivalent to God" or something similar. My high school Sanskrit is quite weak as I studied it for just two years in Mangalore.

This saying is a part of the national identity, we are proud of this fact and realize that it is an uncommon sentiment, one that merits admiration from the rest of the peoples of the world. Heck, we even welcomed the Central Asian hoards who basically pillaged the entire subcontinent for a few hundred years.

That we still follow this tenet is remarkable, I have placed a map below to illustrate how we put this ancient, nay! over 6000 year old principle to practical use, thereby cementing our nation's place as one of the leaders of the future:

This is a map which shows the states that have the tourist police stationed there. Tourist police who? I don't really know, I had never heard of them, apparently they do exist. All of these states reported Cases of Rape and Molestation of Tourists in 2008, this does not mean that the other states did not. The article that I 'borrowed' it from states that the 'tourist police' is quite impotent or shall I say 'spunkless?'

Remember Bittu Mohanty? the rapist son of a DGP of police who raped a German Woman and then skipped bail? Whatever happened to him? I guess he must be stalking some other tourist to have his way with. A cursory search on google gives the following results:

No less than the Supreme Court of our country moved to stay his father's arrest, even though he was the one who posted his son's bail and I assume that he would have given some sort of surety. So there, fuck you OJ, we can do the same here in India.

Interesting to note is the result at the bottom which tries to make it look like the case was blown out of proportion just because of the victim's skin color, because you see, otherwise, getting raped is no big deal. Try telling that to the families of the victims.

Awww... Don't call it rape, it is not rape, we here in the department like to call it 'surprise sex' It is harmless, really and besides those white women were asking for it. Also, see this train? do you know why its windows are shut? * wink* * wink*

Perhaps the ultimate clincher for the police is the peculiarly Indian; experience, wherein the second one sees a policeman, one starts to feel guilty. And if you are involved in an incident when one decides to arrive, then god help you.

Amusing Anecdote #1: The other day, a drunk man entered our garden to lie down. After repeated attempts to evict him proved futile and instead made him belligerent, I called the police number 100. The guy picked up after 2 minutes and upon my explanation, said that he would send the police and cut the call before I had a chance to tell him my address. And that was it. They never came. Or they went to someone else's home.

Not feeling the pride, people :(

2009-06-03T16:47:00.005+05:30

This is the unused draft that I had, before deciding to make it more like a rant and add more photos. I will be shortly posting a series of posts on why I have gone from being an over-patriotic little boy in Saudi Arabia who was the only one in a class of 50 students who said that he was most proud of his country[they made everyone stand up and answer the question, most said that they were proud of their parents. When I said that, the teacher mentioned this to my mom (who also taught in the same school)] to a bitter adult who now just wants to leave the decadence and bad memories of this country and its horrible people behind.

Basically, I will be elaborating on the points that are mentioned in this discarded version of the post. It is going to be unapologetic, so please exercise caution. Also, remember: Free Speech, bitches.

Take care.

I love this country, but to be frank, we Indians can't really manage a country on our own.
I know, you might think that I am being irrational right now because I am frustrated at some sections of the government. But seriously, what kind of a country loses all its talent to brain drain? Wait! I am getting ahead of myself, here is a list of things any thinking individual must ask about this supposedly 4000 or 6000, or whatever number we like to quote, year old civilization?

What kind of country leaves garbage strewn around on the streets of all its cities?

What kind of country leaves its sewers open thereby killing blameless people?

What kind of country allows tourists to be raped and then the accused to skip bail?

What kind of country allows its citizens to be attacked in a foreign country and then loses its balls when dealing with the host country?

What kind of country loses patents on produce that is indigenous to it?

What kind of country

Bang-all

2009-05-23T17:18:00.010+05:30

After showering her native state of West Bengal with a plethora of development projects and activities Mamata Banerjee has now been entrusted with the job of repeating her achievements with the Indian Railways. What really makes her achievements all the more astonishing is the fact that she has done this while sitting in the opposition.

Barely a few years ago the state was in ruins with its pro-communist government doing what communism does best: making everyone equally poor except for a few. Think: "The lives of others" or the USSR for instance.

Here, in order to contrast the conditions in the state between then and now, are a few snaps of the state in its present glory, because words can only describe so much of what madam has done for her state.

Roti:

The ease of availability and the sheer quantity of food that is available is mind boggling.

Kapda:

The opulence of the people of Bengal may be seen from the expensive fabrics used in their clothing. (These women have gathered to protest the difficulty in obtaining enough caviar for the high society kitty parties that they hold.)

Makaan:

There is plenty of good cheap housing available for all.

And here is a one hit wonder oops! I mean world renowned writer showcasing West Bengal's tolerance of dissent and its commitment towards upholding the law of free speech.

"What? Fuck you! I can make up words in my writing and I can bloody well make up my own theories of science and imagine my own facts and stories. I have a booker gaddamnyou! I am special; like a heart shaped hole in the sky, and I can do what I want."

And finally an exclusive karbage scoop; The last snap is that of a nano the car that has been talked about the world over in front of its factory in Bengal along with Mamta Banerjee the lady who made it happen, the tata guy(I think his name is ratan or something) and some local people striking a pose for Karbage:

I told you the car was small.

Taking all of this into consideration and with Mamtaji's magical hands, I expect the Indian railways to be functioning, in a year at most, as shown:

The Bengal Express on its daily run or business as usual for the rail employees.

India Whining.

2009-05-15T00:13:00.010+05:30

It has been a while since I have posted anything that has been popular with the readers, that includes you, yeah you! I am speaking to you. Anyway, with the decrease in my readership due to the scarcity of updates and the decrease in quality of my posts, I see that the average visits per day has reduced to about 3-4.

Your author in a few weeks if the current readership levels(or the lack thereof)continue, and if he changes his race

Being the eternal optimist that I am, I have decided to look at the brighter side of said downturn. I realize that now that the people who usually come here are mostly just passing ephemera, I am going to not censor myself as I was doing earlier, the reasoning earlier was to not to alienate the readers. Now, I ask "what readers?"

So no more being politically correct, no more trying to be "within the limits of decency" and no more "fabrication" because we are a news disseminating agency goddammit, and I will not sacrifice my journalistic integrity anymore!!!

So here is my next piece of journalistic brilliance:

The All New Karbage List of People whose Parents should have Aborted them or in short The List of Unsuccessful Abortions:

5) Number five on the list is, surprisingly for some, this "Genius" why? because a) he does not know how to win a fucking match case in point: The Mumbai 1ndians. and b)Looking at his endorsements, you'd think the guy were bankrupt to stoop low enough to endorse some of the products he does case in point his endorsement for "Tiger Biscuits" Tiger biscuits??? WTF???

Give me some money and I will endorse Fascism if needed.

4)Fourth place goes to this prime specimen of what's gone wrong with our country:

The poof mommy feels y'all yeoh!!! peace out mah bizzles!

I mean who is she? What cave did she crawl out of to accept the post? I had never heard of her before. She looks like they took out a character from the India page of the "Handbook of Racist Caricatures of the People of the World" and breathed life into it. Who is it going to be next? A hindoo snakeman in a turban who can do the Indian Rope trick.

Who is it going to be next? This guy?

3) Third place goes to this unwanted piece of skin around an enormous asshole:

Totally not gay, y'all!

Why? only because he thinks he is a "king" of some sort and hence needs to constantly blow kisses for his circle-jerk fans (lest they die from teh cock deficiency) whenever the fucking cameraman pans to him. He is a king alright; The Faggot King of Douchebaggery.

2) The second place goes to none other than our favorite "writer," Hahahaohoh haha oh wow! no seriously, some people actually do consider her to be one.

like I am like 62 ya know but like I totally behave like I am like 16 like.

If by chance you do read her "articles" in the Times you'd think it was written by a 16 year old sorority chick who's just snorted some Xanax and guzzled a bucket load of cum from her latest blockbuster movie; one of the bukkake persuasion. The sheer banality of her writing and its utter lack of style or substance is enough to disorient and confuse the smartest of readers. So you can imagine what happens to a moron such as myself if he or she tries.

But the ultimate disorienting experience is the fact that above her article is usually an article by a sane, and intelligent writer like M.J.Akbar who clearly knows what he is doing.

1) And the grand prize winner is none other than our friendly neighborhood failed state:

One might wonder why, because a typical day there looks like this:

In Arcadia Ego???

I can't seem to say why.

So there you go, I hope you had fun, and boy have I invited a shitstorm with this one. Ah! fuck it, safe is boring.

Floatin Pigs

2009-05-07T17:40:00.007+05:30

I was pleasantly surprised when the city of Bombay, and no, I refuse to call it by its new name, resisted the efforts by those smarmy celebrities, self-assured news anchors, bored college students, cocks with candles and basically anybody with a fucking mouth to browbeat them into going and voting and choosing one from among the long list of devils available. With a turnout of about 48%, it is heartening to see that about half the population there still knows that the political system in our country is like a bullet through your brain; You cannot fucking fix it.

Broken NOT bent.

Do I vote for the BJP or do I vote for the Congress? Wait a minute what does it matter? they are all just different KINDS of a$$h0!es anyway.

Today, Delhi has gone ahead and done the same, as of now, the turnout is about 38%, wait a minute if I can remember correctly Delhi is the capital of our country or something isn't it? I mean, I know that we can't really be sure of any of this, what with all the fake and or incomplete historical records and our national hobby of exaggerating our 'culture', but if my second standard Geography is correct (or was it history??? or GK) I think it is. So the people who live right under the government's hideous nose don't care, why would anyone else?

Suspected location of Delhi. Courtesy our research team.

A polling booth in delhi; a stampede of voters eager to uphold the spirit of democracy.

K. Bedi another one of our so called National Heroes; mediocre hacks having risen to the top not due to their talent but due to a lack of competition, was seen on TV criticizing the people for not coming to vote and further adding that they didn't deserve the holiday. That the people don't care who comes to power shows the ludicrousness of available choice and the quality of the leaders who are contesting. Yes, you are right madam, the people don't need a holiday to ignore the political establishment in the country, they do that all year round. Our country prospers not because of you but in spite of you [I know, I know...cliched statement, but true nonetheless] because you can't even suck with any degree of competence.

Ms. Bedi lecturing on how you too can get your very own world famous kangaroo court reality show.

The Game

2009-05-01T09:02:00.004+05:30

Someone left me a comment that can be considered to be "confrontational" asking me to "change" the system instead of criticizing it. Barack obama's ghost is just not willing to die is it? Everyone from that chiranjeevi guy to these trolls seem to not understand what a cliche is and that they are not cool. Like that dick who keeps bringing up that Alanis Morissette song every time someone misuses the word "irony".

So let me get this straight, I haven't the right to express opinion? That you don't like how I feel is reason enough to make you want to stop me?

What is this? Conditional Free Speech???

The conversation usually goes something like this:

prima: Man, is it baking hot? I hate this shit.
Secunda: Oh yeah, why don't you do something about it, instead of just criticizing the weather?
prima: er...???

"Don't say something unless you are doing something about it." - Ein fascist vho duzn't unterstant free speechen.

"I think Fascist is a pretty cool guy. eh kills logic and doesn't afraid of anything."

Our backend research team has managed to locate a pair of these Conditional Free Speech Nazis and recorded their conversation as a guide to help those of you who believe in their ideology to carry out your own conversations while keeping in mind their rules.

Our research team, busy sorting data.

The conversation, as recorded:

Prima Nazi: ...
Secunda Nazi: ...
Prima Nazi: ...
Ssecunda Nazi: ...

Oops, it's not working that well for them. The system. Is it?

cough morons coughcant breathecough

2009-04-24T16:45:00.005+05:30

Now we all know Aakriti, what's that you say, you don't? Hmmm, it is probably because you don't watch the news because her story is all that the news channels these days talk about. politics, elections?? what elections????

So she was a 17 year old girl who died of an asthma attack, and now every tom dick and harry in Delhi is baying for the principal's head, because all of a sudden the sanctity of life and the criminal negligence of the school are everything that the self-righteous, we-wanna-pretend-to-be-Barkha-Dutt-for-the-duration-of-the-while-that-this-news-item-is-in-the-limelight people think about. These are the same people who will throw their parents into an old age home, overtake from the left, accept bribes at work, and ogle at the neighbor's daughter when they get home.

So, Anyway I know that the girl is dead there is no point in offering her any advise but perhaps someone else in a similar situation can derive the benefits from it:

Anyway, the funny part is that every one of these holier-than-thou protesters is secretly thinking "Thank god it wasn't me or my daughter, phew"

"Aww come on Karbage, it is only human nature" You say.
and I say: yes, precisely the point.

The girl's mom says that she wants the principal to resign if only for the other girls, what she really wants is revenge. There is nothing wrong with her wanting revenge, however masking it as concern for others is the mark of a beast.

And did you happen to watch her classmates? It was the perfect example of USI [Unwarranted Self Importance]: 17-18 year old north Indian chicks screaming their guts out mainly because, well let's face it, they CAN. Where were they when their friend was in trouble, did none of them have the presence of mind to call for an ambulance? or even call her parents? I would suggest the use of the following avant garde, new fangle invention of space technology:

I mean for someone to die of an asthma attack in the presence of other people, in the middle of a city in 2009 is like you dying due to massive blood loss from a pin prick in a blood bank. It is absurd, so you can imagine the incompetence of everyone involved including her so called friends.

Laptops are people too.

2009-04-21T12:46:00.006+05:30

So is there anybody out there? who does this:

You use your laptop on its battery supply, lost in your work, you don't realize this until it starts to hibernate. That is when you try to stop it by hurriedly connecting it to the power supply, in the naive almost comically pathetic hope that the computer will now, in light of the fact that the power supply has resumed, decide to put a halt to the process of hibernation and resume working.

yeah?

yeah...?

No?

:'(

Ok.

==========================

Addendum:

Welcome to India; the country of mismanagement galore, where a law abiding citizen such as myself has to submit himself to farcical government procedures and protocol in order to get a passport renewed [the funny part is that while I can technically use my passport as a universal address proof since it is one of the toughest documents to forge, I can't use it as proof with the authority that issued it to me and which is going to issue me with the renewed document. Does this make sense to you? ] while alien terrorists like Ajmal Kasab can coolly just waltz into the country on a rubber dinghy and use live people as targets for shooting practise. I need to bribe the bastards at the RTO to register my car in time while the government allows aliens like Quattrochi to gaily withdraw funds from seized bank accounts. I could just go on and on. I am disgusted with the people of our country. I seriously am.

So I have been trying to renew my passport since last month, first the fucking agent made a mistake in counting and incorrectly assumed that I was an adult [he calls it 'major'] when I got my previous passport, so I had to return after 4 hours of boredom in the passport office. Then comes the strike that the workers were on; which lasted until this monday, now it seems that I need 3 proofs of ID and a police verification as well. All of this for a fucking renewal, this will be my third passport. God I hate these slothful government bureaucracies, and those we-stink-worse-than-smegma[this is apparently an adjective] governments employees,and these archaic rules that the whole world has abandoned except for our glorious nation.

Indianism.

2009-04-07T16:48:00.006+05:30

Have you ever wondered if you are truly Indian at heart?
That an authentic Indian heart beats within the confines of your chest, and that you are worthy of being an Indian and holding an Indian passport? After all, getting a passport in our country is equivalent to performing the twelve labors of Hercules, and that too without his powers. Case in point, the guy in front of me when I had gone, unsuccessfully, to renew my passport; was asked to go back home for the third time because the bank manager, this time, had signed on the wrong side of the letter. Anyway that is besides the point.

Ooh Ooh, can I have mine in Purple?

What were we talking about? Oh yes: do you wonder if you are truly Indian? if you do, do not fear for I, karbage, most gracious; most merciful, purveyor of the three worlds, knower of the unknowable, custodian of the two holy tenets: freedom of speech, and the "leave me alone" directive, have come up with a sure fire test to give you hapless mortals concrete proof of your indianness or its lack thereof.

Test: In order to perform the test you must find the northeast direction, which is why I would prefer you did the test on a laptop, and read out the following prayer, you must make sure that the direction is NE as Vaastu commands you to utilize the positive vibrations that propogate along the lay lines which lie in that cardinal direction.

"Lord God, It is I, your humble creation, I seek your guidance in solving a particular problem that is haunting my conscience. I need to know whether I am truly Indian or not, so I would like to pressurize you to come forward and reveal to me the answer to my humble question."

Now, here is the actual test, IF at no point of time during the prayer did you laugh out loud because you saw yourself putting your god, whosoever it might be: jebus, FSM, or Xenu, in a cooker with some water and...

Then, you my friend are definitely Indian inside. In which case you are entitled to wear the Indian Inside tee, as this woman who has undoubtedly passed my test, has done. On a side note doesn't the chick look like chief Wiggum's long lost daughter?

Available in all sizes and shapes.

Your author unfortunately Phails this test big time, and was subsequently beaten by his mom for laughing out loud when she used the word "pressurize" in a non-engineering context

payback

2009-03-30T00:26:00.005+05:30

Hmmm...

So you all diligently follow my blog, you spend a few bytes of your internet bandwidth and a few minutes of your time, all for maybe a quite chuckle in your head once in a while that is... if I have been somewhat creative in an article. This happens rarely and you are beginning to think 'okay, does this crappy blog deserve the time and energy I spend in reading it?' and it is quite possible that you may answer that question with a 'NO'

So, as a thanks, I am going to suggest an album, and a comic that I think you should download and\or buy and listen and\or read.

This is an album called Pale Blue Dot by Benn Jordan. You could call it experimental or space electronica or breakcore, basically he uses dissonance really well and layers his samples to create very atmospheric, three dimensional sounding pieces, and with a tinge of melancholic sadness that keeps you listening. Not many might like this one, but that does not mean that it is not good. So go ahead, if you are feeling especially brave, try the album out. I like to imagine that it is the kind of stuff that the Silver Surfer might hear on his voyages through the vastness of space on his cool surfboard at speeds greater than the speed of light.

The Silver Surfer by the way is the protagonist of the comic that I am going to suggest to you today, released in 2007, Si1ver Surfer Requiem, was interesting enough to keep a DC fan and a silver surfer noob like me, interested enough to hunt for and finish reading all four issues of this mini-series. That is not all, I am now a fan of the silver surfer, even if his other stories do not match up to this one[once I read them of course]. To put it in perspective; my favorite superhero would be Batman for his human-ness and the complexity of his character, his flaws and his strengths. While the Silver Surfer has my admiration for the perfection of his ideal, his infallibility, his almost godlike purity. So the issue to really watch out for is #2 where he and spidey have a conversation; which is well worth the effort of downloading it. And any story that effectively quotes Shakespeare can't be all bad right?

What I would suggest is that you listen to the soundtrack while reading the four issue series. they match like they were meant to be. I guarantee that your experience will be a memorable one.

All links are found through google. Credit goes to the original uploaders.